A native inhabitant, the Buryat, is walking through the taiga.
Looks - there is a drilling rig. He stops and asks:
"Chief, what's this?"
Chief to him: Drilling rig!
He again: Chief, what are they doing on it?
Chief to him: Buryat!
“Uh-uh, boss, the Buryats don’t do that!”

A new oil field was explored in Ukraine.
Extraction is complicated by the fact that oil is in tanks, which move at high speed by rail from Russia to Western Europe.

- Oil prices are falling!
Probably petrol too.
- No petrol.
- Why?
- I don’t know, probably it’s not made from oil in Russia.

An oil businessman dies. He goes to Paradise, and there God says to him:
“You’re a good person, you spent money on charity and all that, but you see, we don’t have a free place. Recently, many oilmen came to us. So go to Hell.
Let me talk to them. I will persuade them to go to Hell instead of me. the oilman answers.
He comes up to the souls of oil workers sitting on a cloud and says:
— They heard that they found oil in Hell. Gushing.
The oilmen sat for a while, looked at each other, and one by one they ran to Hell.
God says to this oilman: Well, well done, take any place, now there is enough of it. And the oilman replies: You know, maybe there really is oil there. Let me go to Hell too.

Oilman to oilman:
— Hear! Do you know how the French got screwed?!
— Nah! How?
- A drilling rig was installed in the center of Paris, but there is still no oil!!!

I heard you broke up with your girlfriend. What happened to you?
“So I don’t have a stake or a yard.
- How? Do you have an uncle an oil tycoon? Didn't you tell her about it?
- As soon as I told her about it, she immediately left me and became
my aunt.

Vovochka, here's a very simple problem: The amount of excess profits from the sale of oil and gas is known. The number of Russians is known. Make an equation and calculate how much each Russian will receive? So, you wrote x, y, asterisk ... what kind of asterisk? - This is not an asterisk, this is how I fumbled.

Funny jokes about oil workers to tears

The National Security Adviser approaches the President of the United States and says: - Sir, there are two pieces of news, good and bad. Which one to start with? - With a bad one. - Sir, the US has been invaded by aliens. - What's the good news? - They eat blacks and shit oil.

Before the storming of Baghdad, American soldiers pray. One: - Lord, help me survive or die a hero. Second: - Lord, make sure that Tyumen runs out of oil. First: What are you? Second: - Do you want to defend democracy in cold Siberia?

A delegation of American oilmen visits Ukhta. During breakfast at a local restaurant, guests order the only dish - an omelet with cheese.
When the bill is brought to them, the Americans are surprised at the amount put down in it and ask the waiter:
- Do you have eggs and cheese - such a rarity?
- Not at all, a rarity is the Americans!

On a sunny morning, an oil tycoon leaves the house and heads for the official six hundredth Mercedes. He gets into the car and notices that his driver is completely depressed.
- Semenych! Well, why are you so sour all the time, well, what's wrong again? What are you moping about all the time?
The driver silently starts off with a sour face. The tycoon is not appeased:
- No, you answer me, I pulled you out of your Uryupinsk?
- Well, they pulled out ...
- Did I get you off the Uryupin bandits?
- Well, they smeared ...
- Did you buy an apartment in Moscow?
Well, I bought...
- Are wages going up?
Well, growing...
- So why are you unhappy all the time?
- Ehe-he, Sergei Timofeich, if only someone else drove us ...!

Gas and oil belong to the people. This is clear. It is not clear why people sell them to themselves for such big money.

After the oil pipeline spill and the fire on the Moscow River, ecologists took a water sample for analysis. Oil turned out to be the most environmentally friendly substance in its composition.

Girls are like oil. First you explore, then you drill, and then it is cheaper to close this well than to maintain it.

Father Lukashenko ordered the government of Belarus to find deposits of oil and gas on its territory. "Sure, not a problem!" - answered the Belarusian government and drilled Gazprom's pipes.

* * *
- Oil prices are falling!
- And gasoline, probably, too.
- Gasoline - no,
- Why?
- I don’t know, probably, we don’t make it from oil ...

* * *
- Why, when the price of oil rises, the prices of all goods rise?
- Because now everything is made from petroleum products.

* * *
- I don’t understand: the price of oil is growing - gasoline is becoming more expensive, the price of oil is falling - gasoline is becoming more expensive again!
- This is called "stability".

* * *
The second law of political thermodynamics:
"The bombs tend to fly where oil is cheaper."

* * *
On the Eiffel Tower, a tourist from Texas, shaking his head, says to his wife:
- The sixth time I go up here, but they never got the oil!

* * *
- What will happen if Iraq suddenly runs out of oil?
- Iraq will immediately become a democratic state.

* * *
The pessimist believes that oil on Earth will end in 10-15 years.
The optimist believes that oil will last for a very long time.
A realist knows that it's not about oil at all.

* * *
RBC correspondent:
- What is your forecast for the dollar and a barrel of oil at the end of the year?
Analyst:
- Oil 120, dollar 30...
And after a little thought:
- Well, or vice versa.

* * *
Iran has discovered a new large location of oil. The peace-loving United States could not endure such a shameless provocation.

* * *
- Mister Bush! Oil found in Zanzibar!
- Yes? So they don't have democracy there. Need to do.
- So in North Korea, too, there is no ... democracy.
“And they don’t have any oil there.” So why do they need democracy?

* * *
According to American Sovietologists, alarming changes are taking place in modern Russia: as before, wild bears roam the center of Moscow, but now they also sell oil! ..

* * *
Russian oil is of 2 types. And all Russians are well aware of these two types ...

* * *
The mistake of the Russian authorities is that they have always considered oil and gas to be the main natural resources. Here the peat was offended ...

* * *
It is known that oil has fallen significantly in price.
After that, vodka fell in price in Russia.
Hence the conclusion: vodka in Russia is made from oil.

* * *
Barack Obama at the site of an environmental accident in the Gulf of Mexico says to his entourage:
- Well, you can, if you want! The oil slick has become much smaller. By the way, what is this strange boat with incomprehensible letters "gas station"?
Assistant to the President embarrassed:
- This Odessa entrepreneur Rabinovich created a network of floating filling stations from leaking oil and successfully serves passing ships ...

* * *
A new oil field was explored in Ukraine.
Extraction is complicated by the fact that oil is in tanks, which move at high speed by rail from Russia to Western Europe.

* * *
Oilman to oilman:
- Listen! Do you know how the French got screwed?!
- Nope! But as?
- A drilling rig was installed in the center of Paris, but there is still no oil!!!

* * *
American geologists in the course of exploration of the bowels discovered some kind of Arab country over the deposits of their oil.

* * *
- Listen, Holmes. What do you think: if the oil-exporting countries refuse to bring down the price, will this be regarded by America as direct military aggression?
- Nu that you, Watson! Of course not. This will be regarded as a violation of human rights: George Bush, no matter what they say, is also a man. And America will not allow anyone to violate human rights!

* * *
Lucky! Tyumen girl, trying to bury a hamster, became an oil tycoon...

* * *
- Yes, you spit on your biceps, normal boys have been pumping oil for a long time ...

* * *
If the government continues to “hold back” oil prices, it will soon be more profitable to drink gasoline and drive vodka.

* * *
In the UAE, Qatar and other oil-producing countries, each family receives a payment - a percentage of the sale of oil. In Russia - the same. And everyone knows these families.

* * *
XXII century: NATO planes rushed senselessly over the globe. Oil reserves ran out everywhere...

* * *
Tymoshenko was given 7 years for gas, Khodorkovsky was given 14 years for oil. From which we can conclude that oil is twice as expensive as gas.

* * *
An oil prospector goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gates to Paradise and says:
- You know, I studied your whole life and in all respects you suit us. But there is one problem. We have a strict division into zones here. And as you can see, the oil zone is already full. So I'm sorry, but we don't have room for you.
The oilman, scratching his head, replies:
- Can I just say three words to my colleagues?
Saint Peter answers:
- Well, I do not see anything reprehensible here, speak.
The oilman folds his hands like a mouthpiece and shouts:
- They found oil in hell!
All oilmen rush into hell in a friendly crowd. Saint Peter says:
- Well, you have a good wit. Come in, sit where you feel most comfortable.
The oilman scratches his head again and replies:
- Thank you, but I'll probably follow my colleagues. It is possible that there is some truth in these rumors.

* * *
Gas and oil belong to the people, this is understandable. It is not clear why people sell them to themselves for such big money.

* * *
The Central Bank announced the introduction of a weeping ruble exchange rate.

Are you very sad and want to cheer yourself up? Or are you just a fan of good jokes? Then this page is perfect for you. Here are collected the best humorous videos from all over the planet, watching which will definitely cheer you up and make your day! This category contains various types of humorous videos.

Firstly, these are various re-uploads of old comedy shows, the best episodes that have ever been released on a zombie box are now collected here. Comedy club, comedy wumen and other similar humorous shows will again make you laugh with their best jokes. We tried to select only the most interesting, brightest, funny and memorable releases. Here you can always review them to laugh again and indulge in nostalgia.

Secondly, a lot of entertaining videos from real life. Funny drunken men, stupid phrases that instantly become crown and recognizable on every corner. Most of these funny videos are uploaded by users of such an Internet resource as Youtube, Rutube and others. Literally every person can capture something funny on camera, and from that there is such a large influx of humor of just such a genre. In such videos, anything can happen, from funny cats to the ridiculous behavior of politicians.

The next type of jokes are pre-prepared jokes from netizens. Various pranks, pranks, during which a group of guys set up some kind of scene and have fun watching the reaction of their victim. Such videos are very relevant now and are gaining millions of views. In addition, after watching a dozen other such videos, you can choose the right prank for yourself and try to crank it out in reality. Most often, such pranks are quite harmless, but there are also those from which the victim can get a heart attack or a panic attack. After all, sometimes jokers go to extremes and joke with doctors' diagnoses, suicide and other rather dangerous topics.

In the last five years, the “foreign” STAND-UP is gaining weight very much. This is, in fact, the same performance of comedians, where black humor, self-irony, and sometimes quite vulgar jokes most often flash. Many popular, media personalities arrange entire stand-up tours and travel from city to city with the intention of making as many people laugh as possible. Let this humorous genre work for the most part if you are in the hall and see the joker live. But a lot of videos with recordings of performances say otherwise.

In addition, do not forget about the already not very popular, but, nevertheless, still well-known genre of humor, like VINE. These are short, literally second scenes that play out life and not so situations. Sometimes the humor is so deeply embedded in them that netizens watch short ten-second videos dozens of times, trying to get to the bottom of a humorous vein that may not exist.

In general, here you can definitely cheer yourself up. And it doesn't matter what kind of video jokes you like - we will help even a callous person without a sense of humor laugh.

jokes

The geological theory is dry, and the practice is drunken.

Last Friday evening, Russian geologists found a previously unknown reason to drink.

It turns out that all dinosaurs were the same. It's just that different paleontologists collected them in different ways!

On the exam in paleontology, the professor gives the student a sea urchin.
Student in a winning voice: it's a hedgehog!
Professor (hopefully): -And which hedgehog is right or wrong?
The student thinks for a long time.
The professor prompts: Well, you can determine by the anus.
The student silently puts the hedgehog in the tray, picks up the notebook from the table and leaves.
Professor (after): Young man! You call your last name!
Student (in an offended voice) - Determine by anus!

One meticulous paleontologist visited Loch Ness in Scotland hoping to see the famous ancient monster.
- When does the snake usually appear? he asked a local resident.
- Usually after the third glass of vodka, - he answered.

A geologist walks through the taiga and sees: a Chukchi sits on a thick branch and saws off this branch from a tree. The geologist says to him: "Balda, you'll crash soon!". And he goes further. And five minutes later he hears behind him: "slap-s" and a cry "ay-ay !!!", and then swearing: "here is a vile Russian shaman!"

Once a geologist came to the tent to the Chukchi and was surprised:
- Chuchka, you have canned food full of chum, and you are emaciated from hunger like a mop!
And the Chukchi answers him:
- However, I opened a newspaper - Yeltsin was there, turned on the radio - Yeltsin was there, turned on the TV - Yeltsin was there too. - Now, however, I'm afraid to open canned food!

A local historian asks a local resident:
- Is there any legend connected with that high mountain?
- Yes, there is such a story. One day, two geologists climbed to the very top, and since then no one has seen them.
- How mysterious! And what happened to them?
- And they went down the other side.

The geologist addresses the Chukchi sitting at the yurt:
- My dear, can you tell me how to quickly get to that mountain over there?
The Chukchi thoughtfully looked at the geologist, then at the mountain and answered:
- Do you want, however, I will untie the dogs?

Once a Chukchi tied up a geologist, brought him to the frontier post and said:
- However, the spy caught.
He is asked:
- What makes you think that this man is a spy?
- So, however, I go and see: he stands, the villain, and knocks on the rock with a hammer. I ask: - "Who are you?" And he: - "The leader of the party." But the Chukchi is not a fool, the Chukchi knows who is in charge of our Party!

Real geologists will never drink vodka from their throats if there is an empty tin can!

A Chukchi father and his son are sitting near the yaranga. A helicopter flies low over them.
Son: - Dad, what is it though?
Father: - Now this iron bird will sit down, - the geologist will come out. They'll beat me in the face, they'll rape my mother, they'll shoot deer, they'll hit you on the head. - "Expidition" is called.

One geologist was terribly tired on the route, found nothing and became terribly angry because of that. He sees - a bear, well, he throws a stone at him! And then his fatigue vanished...!

Two geologists are sitting by the fire in bad weather. Vodka is all drunk, they drink moonshine, talking:
- That's it, how do you drink this green barmatuha, so in the morning your head is like the Tsar Bell ...
- In-in, and the Tsar Cannon is good for nothing ...

The Chukchi walks through the taiga and squeaks plaintively.
A geologist approaches him and asks:
- What are you squeaking?
- Yes, I fell ill, your boss gave me a pill, I ate them.
- Well and?
- And it says:
"After eating!"...

Met a geologist and a Chukchi on the ocean, talking. Suddenly they see a hungry polar bear heading towards them. And there is no gun. The Chukchi grabs skis and, well, put them on faster. Geologist:
- It's useless - you still can't run faster than a bear.
- And I don’t need to be faster than a bear, I need to be faster than you!

Somehow the Chukchi found a large gold nugget at the mine. He did not give up, but hid it well.
They calculated him and brought him for theft.
The head of the mine interrogates him, and another Chukchi translates:
“Where did you hide the gold?!?” asks the enraged boss.
“He says he didn’t take it,” the Chukchi translates.
- Tell him, - says the chief, - that if he doesn't tell me now, I'll shoot him!
- He says, if you don't say where the gold is, you will be shot a little.
“I buried it in a jug under the yaranga,” the frightened thief admitted.
- He says shoot! - translated the Chukchi. That still won't tell anyone...

A geologist is walking through the taiga and sees two Chukchi. One carries a telephone booth, and the other is a hefty log. Geologist:
- Hey, fellow countryman, why do you need a telephone booth?
Chukchi(1):
- Mine, however, if a bear attacks, it will hide in a booth and the bear will not eat me.
Geologist - to another Chukchi:
- Well, why do you need such a healthy log?
Chukchi(2):
- My, however, if he sees a bear, he will throw a log - and it will be easier to run away.

Somehow, American geologists discovered some Arab country over large deposits of American oil ... If it weren’t for a war, it would have come to a trial ...

American geographers argue that geology is only a discipline derived from geography, motivating
this is because before the discovery of America by Columbus, all their geologists lived in Europe.

True story: Student - graduate on the state copy. Miass Geocollege answers the question about schlichs (pronouncing more through "u" than through "and"). The commission, after listening to him, asks additional. the question of a consonant word in geology. He doesn't understand. He is prompted, - well, they say, everything is the same in this word, only instead of "x" - "f". The student in a stupor looks at the commission, slowly blushes (having guessed) and already crimson-red from embarrassment says: "Fuy, or what?". The commission, which had been waiting for the word "slif", slowly slid under the table from laughter.

Reality: Moscow State University, 70s.
Mineralogy exam.
Identify the mineral, - the professor says and gives the student a piece of opal.
She stares blankly at the stone and begins to look around the audience with wandering eyes.
The student from the last row is trying to prompt and gesticulates animatedly, now with a joyful look bending his arm at the elbow and clenching his fist, then lowering it limply with an expression of annoyance on his face.
The student strains her imagination and joyfully says:
"Professor, it won't stop!"

The student is trying to hang noodles on the teacher's ears:
- Last season I found a beryl crystal - that's how my hand is!
- Come on, youngster, fill it up! Such hairy crystals do not exist in nature.

Field season.
On the route, an experienced professor wakes up a trainee student in the middle of the night and asks:
- Ivan, look at the sky and tell me, what conclusion can you draw?
The student looks up at the sky and answers:
- I see billions of stars, and if there are billions of stars, then they may have planets, and there is a possibility that there are Earth-like ones among them, and there may also be life, and ...
Ivan, you are an idiot! the professor interrupts.
- Our tent was stolen!

A woman comes to the tailor's atelier:
- Please sew me a nightgown 3 meters long.
- Why are you so long?
So my husband is a geologist. For him, the main thing is the search, not the final result.

Lecturer in the route to the geological practice warns students:
- Now we will go along a very dangerous cliff, be careful!
- But if someone breaks loose, then let him not forget to look to the right - in flight, a view of a unique outcrop with a pegmatite vein will open ...

Geopractice teacher during a sightseeing tour with students:
- And now, having passed this famous local brothel, we will get directly to the mine of interest to us, and ...
- Professor, why by?!?

Geological practice in Kamchatka. For the first time looking into the crater of the volcano, the student says to the teacher:
- Doesn't it look like hell?
Oh, those students! - the professor exclaims, - they saw everything, they visited everywhere ...

There are two crystals, one transparent and the other fractured. The first one asks:
- At the hot fire?
- Campfire...
- Geologist?
- Geologist...
- Tried to determine?
- No, he came, bastard ...

The male geologist comes from the expedition all dirty, in a torn windbreaker, abrasions on his face. Explains to his wife:
- I did not have a return ticket for the train, but here is the inspector. I had to jump out of the car.
- Wasn't it easier to pay a fine?
- What are you, dear! The inspector turned out to be the conductor's husband.

On the day of her husband's departure to the field, the wife got out of bed before dawn and made her way to the pantry. There she slashed a backpack with a knife, tore the tent, then threw the sleeping bag, hammer and compass from the balcony. After that, she silently returned to the bed and gently pressed her cheek against her husband’s shoulder ...
- She had less than an hour to live ...

Trainee for the huntsman of the Ilmensky Reserve:
- Tell me, please, can you take a sample from this mine?
- Not!
- Uh-huh, but then why are there so many fresh fragments around?
- From those who don't ask stupid questions.

To get lost in the taiga to find out where the south is, you need to look at the tree. If the tree is a palm tree, then you are already in the south.

A conversation between two future geologists:
- Do you know how to hold a hammer so as not to hit yourself on the finger?
- Well?
- With two hands...

The old professor returns before time from the route to the camp.
- Have you come for additional packaging, professor? - asks his student.
- No, for a new hammer.

At customs, a policeman stops a car with geologists:
- Diamonds, emeralds, drugs???
Old Professor:
- No, my dear, - a cup of coffee, please!

A bear attacked a geologist in the taiga. He tries to run away from him, and suddenly ahead - a cliff. He fell to his knees and prayed:
- Lord, instill a Christian soul in this beast!
The bear immediately falls to its knees:
- Thank you, Lord, for the food sent down by you!

Mankind is so insane that the minerals found by geologists are used to pollute the environment.

The Lord God, creating mineral aggregates, thought little about how we would name and classify them.

Geologists fall into the hands of cannibals. The leader says to them:
- Whoever tells a new anecdote, let him go to continue collecting stones. But I warn you - we have the Internet!

Girls are like oil. First you scout, then you drill, and then...
then it is cheaper to close this well than to maintain it.

River bank in the tundra near the Arctic Circle. Expended on the way, a hungry and angry geologist stumbles upon a Chukchi sitting with a fishing rod next to a hill of fresh fish. Hunger overcomes awkwardness, and the dialogue goes something like this:
- Chukchi, treat me with a fish ?!
- I can not, however. The boss doesn't say.
Pause. Geologist found:
- Listen, Chukchi, and who is the Chief Chief in these parts?
- However, I...
- Chief, let me take the fish!
- Take, however, and eat for health as much as you want!

Geologist was freezing in the taiga. The Chukchi found him, brought him to his home, fed him, gave him drink, put him to bed with his wife. The geologist, in a fit of gratitude, invited him to visit him in Moscow. And after a while he receives a telegram from the Chukchi: "I'm coming, meet me." The geologist thinks: "Well, I'll feed and drink, but don't put it with my wife!" I ran to three railway stations, found a "girl" there and persuaded her to sleep with a Chukchi for ten. And the Chukchi said: "You are a good friend, so why should I put you to bed with my everyday wife? I'll put you to bed with my front wife." The Chukchi returned from Moscow, says: "Good city Moscow! Good friend Geologist! And his front wife is so good! - still dripping from the end!"

One day a pregnant Chukchi comes to the doctor.
- Doctor, my stomach is swollen,
- Yes, you're pregnant!
- However, it cannot be - the husband is in the taiga.
- And you probably slept with other men.
- With men - no, I slept with a geologist, because he was protected.
- But as?
- However, he threw a rag on my face.

A geologist got lost in the taiga, shouting: "People! Where are you!? Help!"
The Chukchi comes out from behind the tree and says in a demonic voice:
"And, as here - so "people!", And as in Moscow - so "frying pans with ears"!

Three people are sitting by the fire.
“The steel dragonfly has flown,” said one, pointing at the helicopter.
- The steel seal swam, - said another two hours later, following the submarine with his eyes.
"The steel deer is crawling," said a third, pointing to an all-terrain vehicle crawling uphill. Lives with your wife, lives with my wife, lives with his wife. The expedition is called

Chukchi floats along the river in a boat, looks around and sings:
"What a beautiful forest on the shore, in this forest there are a lot of lingonberries ripening, soon we will collect little, little ..." He looks - the geologist is sitting on the shore and doing his NEED :).
Chukchi: "Pah, shaitan! What a song, however, he spoiled!"

An oilman is walking past a cafe, he just received his salary and decided to come in. He comes in and asks the waitress:
- what do you advise?
The waitress replies:
- We have a special cafe. Here you can do whatever you want. Anything that comes to mind.
- in what sense? All right?
- Yes. Absolutely. We will then issue you an invoice.
But there is a condition: if there is not enough money, our executioner will cut off some part of your body.
Any - As you wish.
Decided to try.
- give me a blowjob.
The waitress without further ado gets on her knees and gives him a blowjob.
The man is delighted. Takes a chair - breaks it. No one interferes, everyone is silent, behaving as usual.
And that's it.
"Vasya suffered." I drank all the beer, vodka, wine, schnapps-maps, sent for more booze,
pissed on all the furniture, pissed on the entire hall, you @ the ball of all the waitresses and
waiters in perverted and ordinary forms, then gave them all cunts,
forced three days without a break to dance folk dances ... had fun.
Carry the bill says. Brought the bill. I looked. He takes out his wallet, looked, closed it.
- let's get your executioner.
The executioner comes. The man unzips his fly, takes out the household.
Executioner to him:
- listen, it seems still young, it will come in handy more, let's have a hand, what the hell is it to chop?
- What to cut?! suck, come on, more money @ me!

Did you like the joke?

10 jokes from the category "Most funny"

The wife is pregnant. Husband wants sex. The wife says to her husband:
- Ha you 25 rubles, go to the city, go to a prostitute.
Well, the husband went out the gate. And there is a neighbor Lenka. She asks:
- Where are you going?
The husband said that his wife was pregnant, she was not allowed, but she wanted sex, she gave 25 rubles to go to a prostitute. And the neighbor offers herself. Takes 25 rubles. After some time, the husband returns home. Wife asks what's so fast?
And the husband answers, he met a neighbor and she agreed for 25 rubles.
And the wife:
- Lenka what a bastard! When she was pregnant, I gave her husband for free!

The man is driving a car. Inner voice says:
- Stop and dig here! Digging - oops! Found a bag of gold! Goes on, the inner voice says: - Throw the bag into the sea. A man thinks: "Now 10 bags will come up." Threw - nothing surfaced! And the inner voice:
- I saw how it gurgled!

Ministry of Emergency Situations go to the call. Some man called, the most articulate of his speech was AAAAAAAA... help, I'm dying!!!
It's clear that the dark team is rushing to the right address. They come, go into a one-room apartment and precipitate! You don't see that often at this job!
In the center of an absolutely empty room, on the floor of which a lot of newspapers are scattered (just like a hamster's) sits a man with a POCK nailed to the parquet!!! There is nothing to do, someone ran after the nail puller. Meanwhile, the doctor interrogates the unfortunate:
- What happened?.............